RWT- ok not really but the real title is too depressing

I've been feeling weird for a few days now. Restless, nervous, like i'm missing something or forgot something. I'm not exactly sure why, i can make a few guesses but mostly it boils down to the silly idea that i might be feeling lonely. Or i fucked something up badly and don't know it yet. I have no idea what to do about this. Ok sure i know what a normal person would do, but i'm not normal and all the stuff i usually do doesn't work. But it's not just the lonely feeling, something in me has changed and i don't know what to think of it yet. I actually have a more 'normal' rhythm now and i've spent multiple days outside the past 2 weeks. Usually i manage 1-2 days a week and definitely not 2 days in a row but now i went out once a day 50% of the time and it would be higher if the weather hadn't been bad a few days.

Ok sure my sleep is still crappy as hell, but it doesn't matter that much anymore. It's like something that stopped me has gone away. Perversely it probably is the same thing that makes me so lonely now. The past few years all my social needs went away, may it be because of the medicine i'm taking or because the fear was so much stronger that i never really felt it. But now they are coming back. Which would be a good thing if there was an easy way to satisfy them. But i'm still sick, i'm still in no shape to actually start a relationship with somebody. Sure i was at this point before but back then i knew how to satisfy my needs, god that sounds stupid. Anyway now i don't know how to deal with it. I'm simply not willing to chat with hordes of stupid '18 year olds' until i found a girl with half a brain. I'm too old for this shit. But what other person would be willing to waste time on me? I'm 31, but i have nothing in common with most 31 year old people. I have no job, no personal life, nothing to connect with people. There are only computer games, which have been enough so long. I actually have made a few good friends, but that's not what i'm looking for right now. Also most of them are too young anyway.Damn this is all so stupid, sorry for wasting your time. Oh right, you're on the internet so you got time to waste anyway.